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CNA Opinion: This Morning I Wept

 By Dr Nick Ngwanyam, MD.

( It is Saturday JULY  7th, 2018 in Bamenda at 8.20 AM).

Sometimes I weep. I do not look forward to doing so. It just happens and it just comes when it has to. Whenever it does, I am always faced with some moral or ethical challenges for which I have no powers to correct. I feel helpless. In the face of such suffering and doom, I cry for real. Sometimes, I cry because of the love of God and His Graces over my life. I feel  over whelmed with the emotions of such love and I just cry.

I can remember some moments when I have shed tears because these moments are always accompanied by strong emotional shifts. If someone found me crying, he could be mistaken and think I am weak, I cannot face issues as a man or some crap like that. No. Far be it. Whenever I cry, I move closer to God. He shows me where the shoe pinches. Then he shows me some answers and gives me an understanding to the predicaments. Then I make a resolution as to what I must do to solve the problem or problems. That gets watered with my tears so that I remember the incident.

I pray and ask God in Faith to lead me and I move forward into the battle ground of ideas, education and motivation. I challenge some things that need to be challenged and I tune a new song that needs to be song. I do so not in my own strength. I do so with the knowledge and understanding that I am a servant in God’s vine yard.

If it were in my own strength and might, I will be crushed. God provides the way and means and the tools I must use to overcome. The tongue, the pen and the media, the WORD is the strongest tool to be used positively or negatively. God used the word to create the earth. We use it is faith to recreate our conditions. He shows me how to use it to build the individual, the community and the nation. The battle is not the gun shots and the killings and burnings we see on videos and TV. The battle is in our hearts. It is a lack of LOVE, TRUTH and the inability to do the good that is true. The battle is in the mind. It is set between the Kingdoms of Light and Darkness.

In March 1993, I was in Bertoua working as a surgeon at the Regional Hospital. I cried when Abondo Langvoue Louis was killed, his brother was shot in the leg and Abondo’s wife and children molested. That is how and when I was thrown out of the public service because I cried. It was during the Lent season. We pray and go on ‘Stations of the Cross’ along with Jesus who died 2000 years ago. We feel his pain and groan with him. I can understand why Jesus died. He died so that you and I should not die.

I asked myself, why did Abondo Langvoue Louis die? The answer that came to my spirit startled me. He died so that no one else should die. When Truth is upheld in Love, people do not die. I hate death. It bothers me a lot. Where there is no truth and love, the people perish.

He would ask me, “And so what?”

On the 30th of September 1993, something happened to me in Kumbo. I was working as a surgeon at BBH. At about 4PM I left the hospital and headed for the squares and it started to rain heavily.  I was in the middle of nowhere. I had a small umbrella that was no use with such rains. I was forced to spend half an hour of my time with a mad man who was sleeping peacefully and lying in the dust at my feet. He was unaware of my presence with him.

It did not matter to him that I was there. He had no clue I was there. Supposing I woke him up and told him I was Doctor Nick Ngwanyam; what on earth would that mean to him? He would ask me, “ And so what?’

He has never been to hospital to complain about diarrhea or malaria. He does not know what a doctor means. I noticed that he had no friends. He had no family. He had no farms. Yet I noticed something that was more powerful. HE WAS OK. That encounter taught me that I was nothing.

Do You Know How Much I Have Lost Because Of You?

When the rain ceased I continued down the road towards the Cathedral. A young man got a girl well beaten right in front of me. She was punched several times by this brute straight into her face. He was wearing heavy sharp rings on his fingers and tore into her flesh. He kept on yelling, “ Do you know how much I have lost because of you?We kill others because of material things, greed and bloated egos. She was wounded so badly and was bleeding profusely.  He was strong and huge. Physically I could not challenge him. I begged him to let go and he growled at me. I backed off and wondered why God made me so small and feeble. That day, I regretted being born small.

Then I Went Into A Trance.

I came back to my living quarters and at about 7.20 PM, I made myself coffee and a sandwich. As I was thinking of the events of that day, I was very disturbed. My spirit was worried. I cried as I have never done before. I remembered Abondo. I remembered Eric Taku. He was a 15 year old boy shot by a ‘big’ man in Douala at close range during the ghost town days in 1992. I remembered Che Ngwa Ghandi killed in Bamenda at about the same time. I remembered all the children we kill by willful abortions all the time. I remembered all the babies aborted by health personnel just for 20.000frs ( 40 USD). These people are killed by brutes and we watch helplessly.

You see, doctors and health personnel are trained to preserve life. We do our best until the patient gives up naturally. If in the course of our job, someone dies, we ask questions and review our work. We ask if there was something we could have done differently to help. We take away pain. We sustain life.

When I am faced with a situation where life is treated callously with no regard, and when I remember some of the sleepless nights, anguish and struggles we go through to preserve life, I cry. That night I cried like I have never done before.

Then I went into a trance and the Spirit of the Lord spoke clearly to me about the St Louis Clinic and the St Louis Projects (University Institute of Health etc). It was also clear to me what I should be doing for humanity and my line of conduct. Abondo Langvoue Louis died so that no one else should die again. That is my mission on earth. The Lord has shown me in a step by step manner as I go from one trial to the other how this goal will be achieved. All our projects carry the name St Louis in his honor of the dead man who showed me the other side of life.

That night, at about 8 PM, there was a large noise and banging of pots and pans in Kumbo, the eve of 1st October. There had been a call for operation bang pans and pots to make a mighty noise as a peaceful way of protest. That is what got me out of the trance.

I have had some mentors that have helped me on my journey of faith (Late Dr. Solomon Nfor Gwei, Late Arch Bishop Paul Verdzekof, Late Prof.  Victor Annomah Ngu. Now I am left with H.E. Christian Cardinal Tumi and the Holy Spirit).

Is Politics A Dirty Game?

About 10 years ago or thereabouts, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. It brought me into some revelation knowledge. The vision was awesome and frightening. I cried. I had to explain to my wife why I cried. I had to drive from Bamenda to go explain to the Cardinal in Douala why I cried.

In December, 2008; H.E. Christian Cardinal Tumi taught me that Cameroon can only change if God fearing Muslims and Christians join politics with a view to changing the concepts of politics. It is not a dirty game but man has made it so. We should be the light and salt of the earth. Make sure good policies are put in place and are implemented to the letter.  Do onto others as you will have it done unto you.

Creating 50.000 Jobs For Youths.( Vision Of May 2006).

If you want something you have never had, do something you have never done. If you keep on growing corn for one hundred years, you will harvest only corn. If you want beans, you must change and grow beans.

I joined the US Embassy sponsored business trip to Washington DC in 2006 and to Chicago in 2008. We were taught the concept of thinking big and how to set up businesses. We were taught how to work with the EXIM Bank, OPIC and other bodies to create innovative transformative businesses for ourselves and provide jobs for others. The jobs are in our heads. We have to change our training is schools. We have to change the way we think. After that exposure, I went to Germany, Dubai and China to test the concepts and they were and remain true.

I decided at the time that I will create 50.000jobs for youths through training, empowerment, networking and more leveraging with American support. The political upheavals of 2008, the Boko Haram crisis, the ‘coupeurs de routes’  and the Anglophone crises are also fueled by a lack of opportunities for youths. The Youth Problems must be solved be they Anglophones or Francophones. It is a timed bomb. That is why youths are dying in the Mediterranean Sea. That is why everybody is ‘falling bush”.

Today, I have a new challenge for you and I. How do we create jobs for 1.000.000 youths in the next one year? Please, help me with some answers. These are not in the public sector. They must be in the private sector.

So Why Did I Cry Today?

I watched three videos on social media that got me worked up.


The first one was an Equinox Television report. It showed the Minister of Territorial Administration and that of Communication at a press briefing, breathing fire and brimstone. They said they will have to distribute humanitarian gifts to the aggrieved Anglophone population using the army and guns whether they are welcome or not. They are forcing gifts on people without trying to make peace for starters. I started to scratch my head and wonder if God’s wisdom was in this outfit. Human wisdom can be very dangerous sometimes or rather always.


Then I saw this video of a well fed, healthy and intelligent man. He seemed to be speaking with a foreign accent. His English was good and his ideas very logical. He was swearing by God and cursing. He swore by the land on which he was standing with his bare feet just across a river deep in the forest. He was with at least two other persons. He called for assistance to the Amba fighters. His body language was no joking matter. His body, his soul and his Spirit were one. His passion for his cause was unmistakable. It matched word for word the minister’s outbursts.

The heat has been turned on in the house on both sides of the divide. When two elephants fight, the grass suffers.


Then I watched the video that broke the camel’s back. The setting is in a village in the forest area most likely in the South West Region.

Amba fighters rolled into town on motorbikes firing automatic rifles into the air Syrian style. The large population of youths, male and female, mothers and fathers hailed them and gave them a triumphant welcome into town.

Amongst the rifles and automatic guns, I saw rocket launchers ready to go. Then I remembered seeing another video in which someone was training them on how to shoot with these launchers to bring down large targets from a safe distance.


Then I cried. How can all of us be heading to the slaughter house with our eyes open? This is a war. It is not a joke. I have seen soldiers’ heads cut off and put on display. These are children and husbands to some families. I have seen many of them dead. Why? What for?

Then I have also seen many civilians dead for no good cause. Why? Why? Why? I remember the young teenage school-going girl in Piyin who was killed alongside 27 others or so just the other day. She was caught between the rock and a hard place and was dead in 12 hours for no fault of hers. Houses and villages have been burnt down, crops destroyed and more.

I cried. I wiped my tears with my white cotton tee shirt I had on.

What will I do to stop the carnage? What should we do? What should the government do? What should Amba do? Any time lost means more persons will be buried. Yesterday, it was them. Tomorrow it would be your turn or mine. Please, stop feeling safe and hiding in your haven.

Even if you are in government and hiding in Yaounde, it will visit you directly or indirectly. We have to act NOW. Not tomorrow.  Even as we speak, let us remember that there will be a time for reckoning on both sides. When the International Court of Justice will open its files, do not say you were ignorant or forced to do the wrong thing. We glorify death. God is not part of violent deaths nor problems caused by greed, disregard for merit, lies telling, corruption and tribalism, poor governance and our inability to think in Love and Truth and lack of divine wisdom.


Dr. Nick Ngwanyam, MD . Tel/whatsapp 237 6777 64674.

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